Brother mine
by LaurielS
Summary: Dying is easy, but losing your family... not so much. A short story exploring Thor's thoughts in Infinity War and Endgame. Spoilers for Infinity War and Endgame, with scenes from both movies and Thor: Ragnarok. Reviews are very much welcomed!


**Brother mine**

Author's note: This contains spoilers for ENDGAME, INIFINITY WAR AND RAGNAROK. Please don't read if you haven't watch the movie and don't want to be spoiled! It's also my first Marvel fanfiction, so I hope everything I've written is somewhat believable for the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I love comments and feedback - please give them so that I can improve!

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

**Brother mine**

"The tesseract – or, your brother's head."

Thanos made good on his word. Before Thor could orientate himself, he felt a sudden, huge surge of energy pulsing through his temples. He fought hard and tried to escape, but Thanos' hold on him was too great. Futilely, he tried to stop himself from crying out, but the pain was simply too much.

"Alright, stop!"

Amidst the giddiness of the pain and the tears in his eyes, Thor thought he could make out Loki's pained face. However, as Loki held the tesseract before him, all thoughts of redemption disappeared, and he suddenly wished he could beat some sense into this brother of his.

_Why did you have to do this, brother?_

_We could have been safe, we could have put all this behind us…_

_But no, you HAD to take the tesseract with you._

_Why?_

Thor watched, bound and gagged, as Loki tried but failed to unleash the Hulk on Thanos. He watched as Loki offered to be a guide for Thanos on Earth, and watched as Loki finally, finally acknowledge that he was his brother…

And he could only watch as Loki harnessed what magic he had in him, planning to strike Thanos –

_No!_

Only to be caught.

He could only stand by and watch as Thanos crushed Loki's neck, snapping the life out of his brother. He couldn't do anything except watch and scream internally to himself that this, this could not be happening. As Thanos dropped the body in front of him, Thor refused to believe that that still form was Loki – the Loki who had so many tricks up his sleeves, and the Loki who, minutes earlier, had been so full of life.

He had watched Loki die once, and that was one time too much.

"No resurrections this time."

Amidst the purple flame surrounding them, Thor only had strength to let out a last, quiet sob as he placed his hand on his brother, who was really gone this time.

"Loki…"

* * *

When they finally got all the stones from Ant-man's "Time Heist", Thor was ecstatic.

Travelling back in time had allowed him to see his mother again. Eventually, he could not save her, but somehow, knowing that this was what she had chosen and being able to just talk to her about everything made it better.

And now, with the stones, maybe, just maybe, they could save his brother, who had died trying to prevent Thanos from taking the stones. Not just his brother, of course, but everyone – Tree, Natasha – the list was almost endless.

"Why are all of you so sad? We have the stones, right? We can get Natasha back!"

"No we can't! It doesn't work this way!"

"What do you mean? It's just a snap, if we can reverse them – "

"It doesn't work this way, alright? Go and ask the floating red headed guy yourself, if you want! I wished it were, but it just doesn't work that way!" Barton had snapped at him.

That flicker of hope, which had been burning in his heart since they got back, finally disappeared.

_His brother wasn't coming back._

"She's not coming back. It's something we have to face," he heard Bruce say.

_Loki's not coming back either._

As the world came crashing down on him, Thor suddenly didn't feel that great.

* * *

Thor hadn't attended many Midgardian funerals in his life to know exactly what he should wear for Tony's funeral. Initially, he had wanted to wear the full armour and cape he had worn for Frigga's funeral, but was told by Steve Rogers that that was not very appropriate.

"Black. A smart, formal, black outfit would be fine."

What ensued then was a massive clothes shopping event as Fury ordered in almost every black and white suit for Thor just before the funeral. As Thor pondered over the many black and white outfits and jackets before him, he wondered how it was possible for so many different designs to be available for just two colours. He ran his hand through each of them to feel the texture of the fabric and tried out a couple, but none of them seemed to fit him well.

As he was about to give up, his eyes landed on the final piece of clothing – a sleek, black suit, complete with a black shirt and a neat black tie.

_"How was I supposed to know? I can't see into the future – I'm not a witch."_

_"Really? Then why are you dressed like one?"_

_"Hey!" _

Thor couldn't help but chuckle even as tears welled up in his eyes. He took the attire and examined it closely, smoothing out the creases of the jacket. Carefully, he tried the clothes on. As he finished up the last knot of his tie and saw himself in the mirror, he knew he had found the right suit.

* * *

Days passed by quickly with the Guardians – they searched high and low of Gamora, but still, they were unable to find her. Thor could see that Quill got increasingly miserable as the days passed, but knew no matter what he said it wouldn't be able to heal an aching heart.

Not today, anyway.

One year ago on this very day, he watched as Thanos snapped the neck of his brother, the brother he had sworn to protect when they were mere children – the brother who had later turned into someone he no longer recognized.

The brother whose antics, though annoying, he missed dearly.

He thought there was hope when they got all the stones, but as usual, Bruce was right – you can't undo deaths that were not due to Thanos' snap.

They couldn't bring Natasha back.

They sure as hell couldn't bring Tony back.

Thor took a huge swig at his beer.

Sometimes he thinks it should've been him to snap his fingers. He didn't have anything more to lose, but Tony – Tony had everything to lose.

He still sees Tony's little girl occasionally – they all do, and they all love her; but nothing compares to family, and Thor can vouch for that.

"Hey man, you doing okay?" he hears the rabbit ask.

"Yeah," he answers instinctively, just like any other day, and downs another can of beer.

Dying is easy, but surviving those who died... that's painful.

Thor knows he will/ must/ has to be able to deal with it eventually.

But not today.

-The End-


End file.
